When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
