I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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