I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
