I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Congratulations! We have a period
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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