I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Damn victory sex feels great
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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