I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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