walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
