apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
