i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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