So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
