Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
