Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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