I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
