Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
