I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
