I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
