and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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