I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
