Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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