I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
do herpes really smell.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did i just pee glitter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
