I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
