so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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