Im at strip club and am horny
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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