Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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