No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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