I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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