just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
