I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
