I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't deserve a penis
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A+ Viking dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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