PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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