I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
