I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
