He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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