Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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