Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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