i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
