why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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