Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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