THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
