Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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