I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
