I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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