I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
