just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
