Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
try to milk me bitch
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