My hand turned me down
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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