Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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