her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
