I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
