Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
