I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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