her vagina looked like bernie madoff
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
