remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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