I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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