I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
