nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
