Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
