Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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