i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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